The Blog
Lately, there’s been a lot of media attention around the rising popularity of self-help and the staggering statistics that despite having more information available, we’re more and more depressed, anxious and unhappy.
Oof.
Here’s my take on the situation: Books are a beautiful way to raise awareness. They can be a beautiful mirror to show us parts of ourselves that we’ve misunderstood or misjudged or that are hurting. And that, in itself is HUGELY fucking liberating.
And gaining greater and greater insight into other wellness journeys can open space within us that can act as a beautiful balm of possibility.
AND what I know about deep wounds is that they are almost always coupled with isolation. They cut us out of communication and community. They put us into competition and coercion. And what’s worse, is that your “lack of progress” is about you not showing up, not making the right choices, not not not not.
It reinforces the shit-talk you’re trying to create space from.
And what I also know about healing is that the miracle must match the BIGNESS of the wound. And if isolation is at the core, regenerative community is the cure.
A book, while potent in content is void of community. And this big stuff, she’s calling out for TOGETHERNESS.
While potent in information, a book stays static and lacks nuance. This big stuff is calling for iterative movement, flexible titration, personalized processes.
Our greatest tool for healing is community co-regulation. In the presence of at least one other person, or in the presence of a group that can see you, can feel you, can hold you.
Does this resonate? Let me know in the comments below.
If this feels really right in your body, if you’re looking for community tending and care, I’m here. If you know all the things + it’s still not moving, invite the miracle of togetherness in.
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I WAS HARD TO BE AROUND FOR AWHILE.
Specifically, it was hard for me to be around me for a LONG while. When I was in the throws of my own sh!t, I was so scared all the time that everyone was going to hate me + leave me that I spent all my time TRYING my darndest to be the most palatable person in the world.
I was dancing around, trying to figure out the magical dance steps that would finally set me free! Freedom from myself and all the sh!t things I believed about who I was at my core: unendingly broken, hard, ugly, unloveable, uninteresting, etc. etc.
(and just as a note, I don’t need you to tell me I’m not/wasn’t those things! I know that now, TRULY in my bones, but thank you for seeing me!)
I spent the majority of my young life trying to be a paperbag version of myself- afraid to have real opinions and preferences on even the smallest stuff, never telling the truth about how I felt, accepting crap from people who continually hurt me, colouring inside the lines, and shaming myself for every time I stepped out of my box. All with a big smile on my face!
I was exhausted, resentful, and had a scorecard for each relationship in my life. Eventually, I turned to numbness just to be able to swallow my days. Numbness turned to chronic digestive issues, which just spiraled deeper into shame, anxiety and… more numbness.
I still remember the immense pain of the breaking point where some steady, unbreakable part of me took a stand for my future. She was the part of me that took the first steps toward freedom and sought help. She earned the first gush of tears when I felt the joy of feeling something again.
It all makes sense now, how the pieces fit with the trauma of my life. But back then, I simply felt like an unruly mess.
So, this is for the women who feel like there’s too much to clean up, too much to be looked at, and not enough gold at the end of the path to even take the first step- YOU are worth it, it doesn’t have to be this way and it isn’t your fault.
