This year has been a tough one with many lessons on life, transformation and thriving. In short, it has been a BIG FEELING year.
I was recently filling out a questionnaire about myself for a new coach I’m working with (because coaches need coaches too!). While I do make it a practice to take sacred pause often, there is potency in answering a list of questions that I don’t often ask myself. The process allows me a moment to claim my current state fully and reflect on how I might’ve answered it a few mere months or years ago.
Here are a few answers that shook me in a big way.
What is my greatest fear? I don’t have any. I am filled to the very brim with trust that whatever it is that I want and desire in life, truly, will come to pass. That whatever comes my way in the form of challenges, setbacks, and blocks, I am beyond capable of holding myself through and thriving.
What am I most proud of? A few years ago, this question might have made me cringe. I maybe would have written some things that I’ve heard reflected back to me, and I most certainly would have caged them in some sort of passive-aggressive “I did this but doesn’t everyone I’m not special and I didn’t do it alone” kinda BS. Not now, and never again. I am infinitely proud of everything I have created in my life and the part I’ve played in creating and receiving it all. Of the things that have come easy and the things that I’ve suffered for. I am unabashedly proud of the woman I am– I am in deep, profound veneration of her and I really do enjoy screaming it from the rooftops and asking people to join the party and it Feels. So. Liberating.
What do you have to have in your life, so that you can feel at ease and fully be you? This was an exceptionally powerful realization. This last year has been heart-wrenching and exhausting on every level. I have experienced excruciating pain and suffering in the form of anxiety attacks, overwhelmed and a flare up in my chronic disease. And in all of this, I have had myself. In the eye of the storm, I have given myself the gift of healing presence. In all the awful, the strength and resilience I have carefully cultivated over time was my rock and I lay down on it, every night. I called in support and love, which showed up in huge and magical ways that I am eternally grateful for, but at the end of the day in those dark hours of the soul, it was me who had to show up.
Everything else in my life is a BONUS. Cuddles, crystals, conversations… even fresh vegetables. ALL a bonus. I have to have me. She’s the one who can heal me, the one who can ask for help, the one who can carry me through. And after years of seeking strength from without, doubting my capacity to love, to heal, to be accepted, to find peace… I have found it within.
I may shake wildly, but I will never collapse.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
This is what I want for every woman. Not to be an island because we must, but to be sovereign in ourselves to thrive no matter the conditions.
And if this kind of strength calls to you, let’s connect on a call to start your healing process.